You know me…I love Mel Robbins and instead of trying to share what I learned from her email, I am sharing this direct lesson from Mel! (Re-posted from her email 7-28-21 and no – this does not mean you can have Diet Coke!)
“The other day, something really stupid happened.
I was at the beach with our daughter and her friends. At one point, our daughter reached into the cooler and pulled out a can of ice-cold Diet Coke.
As soon as she cracked open the can, one of her friends said, “Oh, can I have one?” And then the other friend said, “Grab me one too!”
As I sat there in my beach chair watching them empty the cooler of all the drinks, a volcano of frustration erupted inside of me. It started in my ankles, rose up my legs, into my stomach, and all the way up to my neck. Those are MY Diet Cokes!
Goodbye, six-pack. Hello, inner conflict.
As soon as I felt the frustration, I started to make myself wrong: Why can’t you just smile on the inside, and say ‘That’s so awesome they are enjoying the sodas. I’m so glad these girls are here’ (which I am).
Yes, I bought the drinks for myself as a special treat, but it’s not like I hid them in one of the top cupboards. I just put them in the refrigerator like an idiot.
So, of course, everyone helped themselves. They were there for the taking. And, I always tell my kids and their friends to enjoy anything they want. They didn’t do a thing wrong.
This is the part of the story where you probably realize this has absolutely nothing to do with Diet Coke.
Volcanoes, onions, and Diet Cokes.
The next day, I had a therapy appointment (thank God) so we unpacked exactly why the angry volcano erupted inside of me over these stupid sodas.
The short answer? It’s an old pattern. I get frustrated a lot.
As we peeled back this onion, I realized how layered this was. And, how present this emotional experience is in my life: When I get frustrated, it’s because I feel like someone is taking what’s mine.
Not a day goes by that I don’t feel frustration. And it’s often connected to jealousy. For example, this week I was frustrated by seeing somebody’s beautifully renovated kitchen, and by being brushed off by a podcast host I admire, and seeing somebody’s new puppy and knowing my family won’t let me get a small dog. All of these things made me feel like something that I want has been taken from me.
I’m sharing this story because I know you can relate to it too. And because it’s stupid.
But these stupid, frustrating, and sad moments that happen every single day contain the keys to unlocking everything that you want.
What to do the next time someone steals your Diet Cokes.
I’m proud of myself because as the volcano of frustration erupted inside me, I stopped it from spewing all over everybody else.
First, instead of saying something snarky, I stayed quiet and got curious about what was going on inside me. (Oh, interesting, I’m really pissed off that they are drinking my sodas!)
Then, I reminded myself of what I wanted to feel: The people around me feeling taken care of and appreciated. (I’m so happy these girls are here enjoying the sodas. Looks like I should buy more!)
And finally, I was honest with myself and admitted that I’m tired of constantly feeling frustrated by stupid stuff and realized that I am capable of changing my response in these situations.
So, the next time someone drinks your Diet Cokes, or gets a new puppy, or lands your dream job, or gets into the school you want to attend, or takes the vacation you can’t afford to go on, don’t let your feelings overwhelm or hijack you.
Get curious. Is it frustration? Sadness? Where do you feel it? For me, it always starts in the ankles for some reason.
Next, ask yourself:
“What are you making this mean about you?”
The lesson from Mel (Read that sentence again and again if you need to. Put it on a post-it at your desk or on your mirror. It’s a good one.)
What are you making this mean about you?
This lesson from Mel is so important. When something makes you mad or frustrated, stop and think “what does this mean about you?”
If you haven’t read Mel’s book, check it out here! And she has a new sequel coming out too!
Want to read more of our blog posts inspired by Mel – check them out:
Stop Saying You’re Fine – Losing Weight is Simple – Preventing Goal Burnout